Sorry if I am repeating myself from previous posts, frankly I can do whatever I want...
I like to "distract" myself from my reality and focus on the macro goals. I can't do that until I get stable. I need to stop my the crazy clinic and make an appointment. I dislike using the telephone so much.
I have bipolar disorder.
Yeah I get it after what. . . eight years or so being told that I was. Who in their right mind when they are starting off in adulthood wants to be told that they have a serious, persistent, life changing mental disorder that they will need to control with medications for the rest of their life? Well I understood what my doctor at the time was telling me and yes I had gone through a cycle of mania (for the first time and depression), but I could not believe I would have to battle this my whole life. Now I know my body better. I am not a rapid cycler. I stay in a state for quite a while; depression lasting longer than mania. But I get both. And they are distinct. Now I know I for certain that I always have a underlying malaise. The range for my depression can go from feeling slightly fatigue to wanting to jump off the overpass psyche ward type of shit. What was my point of this post?mmm... yes. Coming to terms. I looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. I will be making small changes that will add up to big changes. Things take time.
Hard as it is, good to know what you've got, accept it, and deal with it.
ReplyDeleteFailure to accept and deal with / manage a serious/significant mental illness such as bipolar can lead to major problems - but you probably well know that already. E.g. (depending upon the mental illness), destructive/problematic manias, major depression or depressive cycles & suicidality, etc., psychoses, major physical problems and/or death (e.g. from self-harm/self-injury, anorexia, etc.), problematic actions/reactions (anxieties, post traumatic stress disorder, personality disorders, etc.), etc.