I am getting rid of belongings. It's so weird to be knowing when I'll cease to exist. I already postponed once this week. Yesterday I said I was to die, then I bumped it to Sunday. I don't really want to go, but the planning and dream of ending my life is so...enticing. But things in this world keep distracting me. I want to experience my entire bucket list. I want to experience things I never imagined. I want to go out on top not as pitiful me.
If I live, I have to show people what I am. The ugliness about me. The Liar. The Thief. The ugly side of myself. I have had wrong done to me and I have done wrong to others. Suicide is a coward option and I don't want to be a coward. I don't want the negative events and people that have influence my life be the catalyst---the reason---I end my life.
This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It's going to be worthwhile if I come out of it alive. Depression is a fucking monster that won't leave me the hell alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment